Monday, July 7, 2008


Disclaimer: When I say dating here, I am talking about the system of asking someone you barely know out to "a drink" or "dinner" with the explicit understanding that you are measuring each-other up for relationship potential - along with all the "rules" that go with this concept of dating.

A friend of my sister's once said... that dating is just a way to make women prostitute themselves within a context that looks respectable and fools them into thinking they are doing something else. He phrased it better, and I am dragging it all over the place, but you get the point. You will think I am cynical, but honestly, I agree. If someone wants to "date" you as soon as they meet you, not knowing anything about you, then clearly what they are after is the body, not the person. And that essentially means, I pay for dinner, and you give me sex later. A socially acceptable approach to prostitution. And highly artificial and uncomfortable at that, especially if the two people have different things in mind. (You know... one wants the sex, the other wants the food.. Hmm.. I suppose that could work out.. )

But seriously, the real problem is the same as the problem with unemployment benefits. The fact that the people who don't need it unfairly cash in on it, by working the system, and the people who are sincere end up having to deal with the extra bureaucracy created to try and prevent and discourage the ones that are taking unfair advantage. Dates are supposedly a way of getting to know each other to gauge relationship potential, but instead it's become "do I have sex on the first date or the third date?"... errr...?

The sad thing is so many women go out on dates hoping for a relationship, perhaps by dragging out the sexual seduction part, when the whole setup is so not conducive to a serious honest relationship. I would absolutely love to get my hands on some statistics that tell you how many people have gone on dates that have actually lead to relationships. Women in cosmopolitan urban cities constantly complain about the dating scene in their cities. The majority of people I know in relationships did NOT meet through a date (and I am talking about hetero relationships, gay relationships have an entirely different dynamic), they met at work or volunteering or through friends or family. They met in situations where they weren't forced to have a contrived sex interview, but were actually allowed to get to know atleast something about eachother before expressing an interest.

In fact I wish I could find this website, but several months ago I was sent a link to this website which had a ranked list showing you "where to meet" men/women. This list was based on people (both men and women) selecting or submitting if it wasnt on the list, where they met their partners and the majority of the people had met "at work". "at bars" was way down the line, and random dates.. just not...

What triggered this? I went on a date and even considered giving a legitimate chance to this guy who later turned out to have a wife in a different country. I also spent all this time trying to get him to stop trying to get me into bed and arguing with a friend of mine, that I was not interested in attracting this guy by "showing more skin" and how it made me feel objectified and disgusted that he would suggest that as advice. Fortunately though I had already lost interest before I found out about his wifey and had instead been lusting after his friend for a few days.

But back to dating in theory... Fair enough, if you are going to have to spend all this time with someone to figure out relationship potential and they turn out to not measure up, go ahead get laid... And if a guy/girl really is just looking to get laid, they need to make sure that a) they are disqualified from relationship potential. b) they are still sexually attractive to the other side (so make sure you dress and smell nice etc) c) Don't act too jerky so that you are not only disqualified from relationship potential but also sex potential.

In other news... I slept next to a gorgeous naked woman the other night and essentially as my friend puts it "couldn't get it up".. the next day for lunch I met this absolutely adorable poly bi girl who was a friend of a friend for lunch and she kissed me on the cheek and *that* turned me on... my libido baffles me!

Except it doesn't. If it's not drunken crazy sex, then it needs to be real intimate honest sex. This girl may have been physically gorgeous, but she was so emotionally closed off... I wasn't drunk enough to care more about sex than the person I'm having it with. It felt f-ed up.

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