Thinspiration?

http://themedium.blogs.nytimes.com/

I just read this article about "thinspo/thinspiration" films - designed to inspire the viewers to reach their "goals"... and this paragraph jumped out at me.

On a formal level, thinspiration rejects the conventions of propaganda and advertising, instead borrowing devices from two other forms, one traditional and one digital. The traditional form is women’s confessional poems and diaries, including the work of Sylvia Plath, Anne Sexton and Louise Glück. A woman who is furtive, prolific, deeply melancholy, proud of her sacrifices, furious at her family’s various offenses, frustrated with her body and protective of her supreme right to destroy herself — this persona, in America, at least, was the invention of poets like Plath, whose teasing and savage voice, even now, is every bit as bracing as the thinspo videos. The cacophony of female archetypes in Plath’s work — little girl (“Daddy, daddy”), avenging Cassandra (“Do I terrify?”) and wan martyr (“the long gone darlings”) — turn up in the thinspiration videos, too, which feature women looking alternately like schoolgirls, madwomen and saints. Sarcasm and assonance characterize thinspo poetry: “Eat no evil.”

Yes it said protective of her supreme right to destroy herself. This... sentiment... feels so familiar. It is like a protest against the gaudy twittering greedy loud gluttonous interfering blinding obese consumerist excesses that have taken over society and hence on some level justified - honorable, cleansing... protestant? And perhaps... maybe... it is an extreme reaction to precisely that over-consumerism in society. Maybe to get rid of anorexia, we have to get rid of obesity?

Or maybe it's just a physical manifestation of the self loathing (self sacrifice?) guilt (conscience) we are brought up feeling. The self sacrifice, the promotion of simplicity, the rejection of excesses are all honorable sentiments. It's when you practice it in excess that it becomes a problem :)

Depression can cause you to over eat to fill up the emptiness.. or starve yourself to punish yourself. Both sides are caused by a feeling of uneasiness. We are just trying to feel whole and in control. You control the emptiness by making it complete or you go on the impossible quest of getting rid of it through consumption that is never enough. You try to feel whole. Whole-y empty or Whole-y full. I dont know if this is really about body image.

It goes on to say:

Setting aside the mystifying proposition that anorexia be seen as a lifestyle choice (as some extremist pro-anorexia sites maintain), as well as the age-old riddle of whether popular culture can produce mental illness, what seems most significant about the thinspiration videos is that they’re not propaganda or even entertainment, but an effort, however misguided, at art.

Food for thought.

Evolution

This post is a little scattered and jumping from one thing to the next.. trust me these things are connected - somehow.

I just read some things I wrote when I was with my ex and in college...

And talked to a friend of mine about how I used to throw breakfast down the toilet when I was a kid..

I don't recognize myself in these people. In these people who existed before... and yet I feel all this affection and love for the little scared kid who threw away her breakfast. And I feel exposed and vulnerable and wistful reading the things I wrote when I was a cocky college-goer in my first relationship thinking that being direct and honest made me above relationship drama, not realizing I was digging myself deeper and deeper into a hole.

Naive. Scared. Confused.

I think it's sick to bring children up using the fear and guilt of religion as ways to discipline them. Telling them god will punish them if they don't do one thing or do something else. It's sick, it's blackmail. It's giving them no option to defend them self or their point of view and makes them feel guilty for having a different point of view or feelings or desires. And emotionally black mailing moms... they are so prevalent.. maybe I will understand when I am a mother, but right now, it just feels utterly cruel to emotionally blackmail your own kids! I mean ok fine, when they are older and leaving you and you are scared that you don't know how to be someone that is not a mom, I can see that... or maybe that's the problem. You need to not forget how to be not a mom, and be yourself, otherwise you do cling on enough to emotionally blackmail. When we don't look after ourselves and our self is defined by the fact that someone else needs us, we can't ever be truly sincere. Co-dependence, in a nutshell.

My mom was always in a state of emergency. Constantly. And I was always sitting there wide eyed waiting for the next emergency instruction. Except I could not swallow food when I was nervous. We would always be rushing in the morning because I had to catch my school bus otherwise my mom would have to drive me (which meant I would never ever hear the end of it)! And my mom would never let us go to school without breakfast. That is why my poor little breakfast secretly went down the toilet. So I could just get out of my mother's war path and get to school and get some peace.

But I am not that person anymore... except on some level I am. College seems to be those few years, I dared to say what I was thinking and demand being accepted the way I was, and I look back on it, and it horrifies me that I exposed myself that way. Absolutely horrifies me.

So I guess I haven't evolved as much as I thought.

U-Haul lesbians

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/U-Haul_lesbian

"U-Haul" lesbians and relationships

Mental health experts note that the "U-Haul joke" symbolizes the habits of lesbians to form intense emotional connection and the urge to merge. [8] It has been theorized that this "phenomenon" is used by lesbians as an escape from the risks involved with dating. [9] That aversion to the risks with dating is linked to the stunted development of intimate relationships during the teenage years for most gays and lesbians who are normally in the closet at this time. With the freedom of adulthood, lesbians are drawn to the "U-Haul" relationships and the instant gratification and intimacy they create. [10]

Despite the appearance that lesbians do not have difficulties committing to relationships, most experts agree that this behavior is not healthy. [11] One of the negative consequences of quickly moving in together is that the short dating span virtually eliminates serious discussion on many relationship issues, including sexual compatibility, prior to moving in which can manifest itself in various problems down the road.

So this '"phenomenon" is used by lesbians as an escape from the risks involved with dating'... I usually just avoid dating altogether... that seems more efficient.

I am thinking it's time to grow up!

Although it seems I am having U-haul syndrome today with a hypothetical non-existent girlfriend... I think this is mainly because I just moved to a new city, and moving always makes me feel like cuddling up in a safe comfortable warm corner.

Das 27

It has been a long and eventful life... and it will be a much longer and more eventful life. And until last week I was feeling scared.. Getting older, getting more desperate and single and pathetic, and haven't accomplished enough in life, in my career, and no husband no kids... no property no savings... But I feel good. I am getting older, wiser, more confident, more sure of myself, I know what I believe, I know what I want, I don't get pushed around anymore.

I have lived in three major cities as an adult. I am independent, I have a car, a job, some savings, I know what I believe, I have had all sorts of experiences, some good some bad, but I am hopefully the wiser because of them. I have performed on stage, I can dance, I can code, I have made short films, I have coded scientific simulations. I have traveled, I know people all over the globe, different countries, religions, sexualities, political beliefs....

Of course... there are ALSO tons of things I can't do. I mean jeez, I still haven't learnt to swim.. or ski and I haven't ridden a bike since 4th grade! but hey getting there :) It's not the end of the world or the end of life..

And that's another thing.. I am learning to accept and realize that it really isn't the end of the world or the end of my life every time something doesn't go exactly as planned.. and I'm learning to appreciate surprises. And be at peace with my crazy hormones... to the point of appreciating their ability to bring out issues I have been ignoring...

So life is good. And 27 is the perfect age. Not so lost and crazy and confused.. But still hot and in decent health. In fact if i was a guy I would say 25-40 is the perfect age. Before your health deteriorates..

But that's mainly because standards of hotness in society are just younger looking for women than men !

SO much to do, so much to learn.

The Quarter life crisis.

Courtesy Wikipedia:

"

Kazimir Malevich's impressionist Unemployed Girl (1904)

Characteristics of quarter-life crisis may include:

• feeling "not good enough" because one can't find a job that is at one's academic/intellectual level
• frustration with relationships, the working world, and finding a suitable job or career
• confusion of identity
• insecurity regarding the near future
• insecurity concerning long-term plans, life goals
• insecurity regarding present accomplishments
• re-evaluation of close interpersonal relationships
• disappointment with one's job
• nostalgia for university, college, high school or elementary school life
• tendency to hold stronger opinions
• boredom with social interactions
• loss of closeness to high school and college friends
• financially-rooted stress (overwhelming college loans, unanticipatedly high cost of living, etc.)
• loneliness
• desire to have children
• a sense that everyone is, somehow, doing better than you

"

I have decided life in the US is plutonian. I just looked up plutonian, and that's not the meaning I was going for.... What I meant was... the blank slate has gone to an extreme. You start from scratch over and over again. You move away from home to go to college, you move away from college to go to work. Every time you establish yourself into an identity, form an idea of who you are, the next step in your life is there to destroy all your misconceptions, and test all of these beliefs.

When you are five you are taught to be pure and honest and kind and sincere, and generous and compassionate and humble, as if you can get through life with such noble self less characteristics. You are completely unprepared for the cynical practical competitive capitalistic world you are being thrown into, with nothing to protect you because you are going in with a deluded open heart.

In high school you can be top of your class, the star student, the star child, most popular, whatever, the person with the noble aspirations, the cool kid, etc etc. then you go to college and everyone at your college is top of their class, now what do you do? Not everyone can be top of the class anymore. You have to forget your identity, who you were and re-establish/re-earn that role in college or pick another role.

So now you think you are smart, you are capable, you can do anything, because you have studied so much about the world, you went to a prestigious college, you studied philosophy and science and did research and worked with the smartest people in their fields, you are going to change the world, you are going to be challenged and challenge the status quo...

But guess what, before you get too cocky - the job world, is going to bring you down a few notches again. So what if you studied Socrates and saw how petty politics caused war and strife, you will still have to deal with office politics.. yes it *does* feel like you are back in high school, but so what? You thought going to college and being an adult meant you would grow out of that and never have to deal with it again? No sirree!

Yes your professors thought you had revolutionary ideas, you were smart and special and bright and they were oh so proud of you. Your employer doesn't give a crap. You are there to further your bosses career. They are not there to mentor you, they are there for their own career and to bring home the bacon and break you out of the delusions that college instills in you. So you either better come back down to earth, and realize that even though your professors thought your ideas were worth listening to, it doesn't mean that anyone in the real world with any power at all to implement your oh so revolutionary ideas cares. And now you have to trudge along like the "common people" and climb up the ladder the same way every one else does....

Yeah..

And they wonder where the quarter life crisis comes from.

The quarter life crisis comes when you realise that nothing you were ever told about yourself and the world is true, that you don't know who you are or what you believe and the world is completely incompatible with what you thought it would be.

Next come the thirties,when you decide f*** this s***, I am going to start my own start up!


....

Honestly though, I think we come full circle. Parents aren't idiots for teaching us noble, compassionate ideals. The hope is that once we get through life and attain the power and stability we fight through our 20s and 30s and 40s to attain.. we will go back to those ideals and chuckle fondly at the young fledglings who are struggling through their crises and tell them, its all going to be ok.

Habib Jalib - Mainay Uss Say Yeh Kaha - Laal

Habib Jalib - Mainay Uss Say Yeh Kaha
Shahram Azhar - Vocals
Taimur Rahman - Music
Mahvash Waqar - Backing Vocals
Taimur Khan - Director Producer
Dita Peskova - Assistant Director
Jamie Mill - Recording Director
Laal & Taimur Khan - Music Producer
WIDEi Films - Production Company

"Main Nay Kaha" is a satirical poem by the famous leftist poet Habib Jalib called "Musheer" (Advisor). Jalib wrote it in response to a conversation he had with Hafiz Jalandari during the time of Ayub Khan's dictatorship. It remains just as fresh and valid today.

The music video contains real images of events in Karachi, London, and Lahore during the tumultuous period between December 27th and February 18th. The song and video were recorded on a shoe-string budget of one session each.

This video and song are connected to a documentary on a journey through a life-changing period in the history of Pakistan. The journey begins in Pakistan on the eve of the assassination of Benazir and the ensuing grief, violence, and carnage. The film maker travels to London to discover a group of young activists organizing protests against Emergency rule. Following these activists full circle to Pakistan, the documentary captures the events around the 2008 elections. The film thus captures a moment in the life of Pakistan, from Benazir's assassination to the elections, through the lens of young activists. The documentary by Widei Films will also be released shortly.

Kate Walsh and David Spade Talk About Maxim's Hot 100

This is really really funny.

On a more serious note, I don't know if I buy into men rooting women against each-other. I think we would be just as competitive in the absence of men. It's not men that make us competitive, it's societal expectations. You grow up being told these are the things you strive for and you have to be the hottest, most charming, most generous, kind, proud, noble, accomplished woman around to get anywhere, and then you are supposed to get along with all the other women who are fighting for the position you are striving for? Hellz no! This is not about men's approval. I mean we are competitive about things men don't even notice! And the same with men. I mean do they think we care how big their balls are? I mean .. really? I would be happy if they didnt have any, but to a man they are IMPORTANT. We are competing on our own terms, not mens.

And objectification, us women love being told we are hot... Please appreciate our beautiful breasts. Just don't act like we aren't there and we don't see you checking us out. Cuz that makes us think you think we are idiots... who are blind. And also it's about you. You kind of have to earn the privilege to admire us. If you are ugly and fat and dumb, we'd much rather not have your approval cuz we assume you have bad taste so it's kind of an insult to us that you like us. You need to be "in our league" to think you have a right to ogle. This isn't about sexism, it's simple darwinism. We don't want to be stuck with the evolutionarily stunted men, and we would like to believe we deserve better..

Of course all these theories are thrown off-kilter when you think about queer sexualities. If you are a lesbian, you don't want any man admiring your whosit whatsits, because that's just not the team you are playing for, and NONE of them are in your league, cuz you're batting for the other team yo. Somehow gay men don't seem to have that issue, they seem to be happy to take admiration wherever it comes from. (stereotypically speaking... not trying to generalize on everyone)...

So what it boils down to for me is "Objectify me, only if I think you're worth objectifying. And don't ever underestimate me."